Friday, April 15, 2011

The Almost Tax Day Comeback

After over a month of non-posting here to Wade's World, I'm seriously working on my comeback, complete with redoing the blog layout for good and even changing my account from a non-existent email address to one that actually exists! What a concept? I'm thinking that using a real email address may help me with my issue of not being able to post from my iPhone. If I can resolve that issue, you'll definitely see more from me.

Since the end of February, I've been on a journey of sorts of discovering who I am and why I respond to situations and challenges the way that I do. It's been a painful process, but one that will prove worthwhile for years to come. In the days ahead I'll share more about some of my personal discoveries and how these have effected my outlook on my life up until this point.

One of the things I've discovered is that I struggle with perfectionism! Some of you may not be shocked by that, but I still am at times. If you saw the wreck my house is most days, you'd think there's no way she's a perfectionist! The problem is that I beat myself up because my house isn't perfect. Not being able to see the surfaces on the tops of the kids' dressers stresses me out every time I walk into their rooms.

My struggle with perfectionism contributed to a lot of the undue stress I put on myself in academic situations and the reason why I may be able to excel academically, but I'm a terrible student. I know that doesn't make sense, but my mom can attest to the number of times in high school when I would pitch huge fits or threaten to quit school over how difficult I could make any assignment because I wanted it to be the best. I wanted people to think well of me.

I mention my perfectionism issue here because that's been a struggle with me and this blog. When I go through these spells where I'm absent or where I can't seem to be committed to posting regularly, I just don't. If I can't do it perfectly, why do it at all? You can imagine how this can translate into so many areas of my life! It's why I'm hesitant to paint a wall in my house - what if it's the wrong color? what if I drip paint on the trim? if I do one room, I'll have to do them all, etc. It's an agonizing and debilitating mental struggle!

So there you have it! I'm back as much as I can be, but am not going to beat myself up about not posting for a day or two.

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